Who do you have around you? - Your circle matters too
In this month and season of love, the focus is predominantly on romantic or intimate relationships, many will skim through every book, podcast, blog posts etc. to find tips on being a better partner. But what about our friendships and platonic relationships? They are just as important to maintain and improve on too. The Bible speaks highly of godly friendships and its necessity.
In Ecclesiastes 4:10 it says ‘woe unto him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up”.
When dealing with hard times and struggling mentally in this life, it matters most who you have around you. The circle you have can make or break you in your lowest moments.
Have you ever gone through mentally challenging periods or hard times with no one to call on?
Here’s what it feels like.
When you experience deep sadness, depression or hard times on your own, it feels like the walls are caving in. You feel like you are sinking deeper and deeper into despair with no one to reach out. You begin to wonder if you are invisible, “does anyone see my pain”. Every night you drift to sleep with a soaked pillow, drenched from the sweat and tears of your inner turmoil - that is, if you are able to sleep. But the worst part about it is waking up the next morning and pretending everything is fine.
It’s accurate when the Bible says “woe” or another translation says “pity”, unto that person who has no one. When your mind feeds you the lies, that the state you are in will last forever, that you will never be all that God has called you to be, or worse, God will never forgive you and love you enough.
It’s like a heavy cloak resting on you, slowly consuming you and draining your energy. You have no desire to pray, read your Bible, or worship God. Then the guilt creeps in suffocating you because you know the truth. You know God hears you, you know He loves you beyond measure, you know His plans for you is to prosper and all He wants is for you to bring your cares to Him. But you are ashamed. You almost don’t want God to see you in this state. So you go lower and lower.
You begin to feel like a zombie walking the earth, no motivation, passion or zeal. You feel numb to everything and the truth is you don’t want to feel anything. You are tired of going through the motions, seemingly not getting it right, watching others around you excel and wondering when will it happen for me. You slip into more pity and shame because you want to shake the thoughts and mood but they continue to overpower you.
And the cycle continues. Imagine going through this alone.
Yes, God is there, He never left, but you don’t see or have any human you can depend on in your low state.
In Genesis 2:18 God said, “it is not good that the man should be alone”. Because in the context in which this is preached, we assume this applies to romantic relations. But the Bible doesn’t say it is not good that a man not have a wife. This means God doesn’t see us as creatures who should be isolated, by our lonesome, and have no one in our lives that we can commune with concerning Him. He wants us to partake in companiships beyond romantic interests, that will help us develop spiritually.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 speaks of what this companionship looks like.
Comfort Each Other
God knows the intensity of this walk, He knows the battle of the mind and how it can take you down a path of darkness and despair, if you let it. It’s important that those close to you are grounded in their faith to help you in your time of need and you are able to do the same for them. Galatians 6:2 tells us we fulfill the law of Christ when we bear each other’s burdens.
Having godly friends to comfort, support and simply be there for you, makes you feel less alone and the hard season in your life seems easier to bear. Comforting isn’t as complex as it seems, it can be as simple as being in each other’s company, talking, sending affirming biblical messages or videos or making each other laugh. You know typical friendship behavior.
This isn’t to say you rely solely on your Chrisitan friends' in hard times, but having them in certain aspects of your journey makes the road easier. Ecclesiastes 4:12 mentions how one person on their own can be overpowered but with the strength of two or three they are able to withstand it and the cord is not easily broken. When trials of life come our way, we can become overwhelmed, stressed and feel like “the enemy is trying to take me out”, but with the comfort of your godly circle, it can be likened to having your feet on a sure foundation.
Edify One Another
Proverbs 17:17 says “a friend loves at all times”. As godly friends we are to uplight each other and encourage with the word of God only. The goal is to draw closer to Christ and operate in the fruit of the spirit. This is what edification looks like, but it goes beyond this.
The other aspect is accountability. We cannot lead each other down the road of sin, by indulging in anything that will increase temptation. We cannot condone behavior and actions that are displeasing to God because it is trendy, funny or cute. Having godly friends is a blessing to keep each other on the right path. Proverbs 27:17 “as iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend”.
Even in difficult times, we need a true godly friend to sharpen us and give blunt reminders of who God is and who we are in Him. Many will call this tough love, so we can quickly get back on our feet and walk in our purpose.
I said it before and I'll say it again, God does not desire for us to be alone. As trendy as it is to broadcast “I'm a popular loner” or “I have no friends”, this is not our calling.
The key is to surround yourself with meaningful and godly friendship wherein you can support, comfort and edify each other spiritually.